Note to Christians: Why I Really Don’t Think You Were Born That Way


No, it’s not a typo, I mean every word about not being born that way. And while we’re at it, let’s add these complaints:

  • I don’t care what you do in private, but I don’t want it in my face. I don’t want my kids to have to see it on TV.
  • I don’t want teachers teaching it in public schools.
  • I don’t want you recruiting children to your lifestyle. I think there should be a law saying you can’t speak about it in front of anyone who is under 18.
  • I think you have too many pedophiles among you for it to be a natural occurrence. I think your lifestyle attracts them.
  • I think it’s unfair that you demand special privileges and protections no one else gets.
  • I think children in your care are in danger.
  • Oh, and I find your dress up parades insulting and incredibly tacky.

I’m talking to Christians of course.

Who else could I possibly mean?

I’m talking to the large number of Christian “leaders” who have made it their earthly mission to make the lives of gay people miserable, and the even larger number of those I call “not all Christians are like that” believers who prop up these vindictive wolves in sheep’s clothing with their donations and and their butts in the pews – the kind of Christians who give loving and generous followers of Jesus a bad name.

Judge Roy Moore, chief justice of the Alabama Supreme Court, is one of those cross-dressing wolves; only in his case, slithering Tea Party snake would be a better metaphor than Mary’s little lamb. Hey, I didn’t pick the Tea Party mascot, but if the scales fit…

Everybody remembers Judge Moore as the Alabama cranky pants jurist who refused to remove a stone statue of the Ten Commandments from his courthouse, even after the Supreme Court ordered him to. Most of you will also remember that last February he sent a letter to all fifty governors urging them to support an amendment to the U.S. Constitution banning same-sex marriages. Judge Moore has made it his mission to put religion back in government and gays back in the closet.

roy moore fbJudge Moore (left) has long had a modus operandi best explained as the Westboro Baptist Church meets Fox News. He says something totally outlandish to draw press attention, and then when he’s criticized for it, he complains his religion is under attack and calls himself a hero for withstanding it. He’s a West Point grad. Maybe they teach that tactic there: Disseminating Religious Propaganda 101.

I usually try to avoid those war-on-religion traps, but this week, Judge Moore has gone and pressed my cranky switch when he announced the First Amendment only protects Christian beliefs.

It’s true, I am not a believer in gods, Christian or otherwise. But I am also not the Bill Maher variety of atheists who attack people who choose to believe. If it gives you comfort, I have no need to talk you out of it – just don’t expect me to live as if your beliefs are reality. Because Judge Moore thinks there is a divine being who hates same-sex couples so much he will burn them forever in a fiery pit, does not make it so. And if it were so, why would anyone worship such a being? It seems like something we humans should band together to resist.

This week Judge Moore was asked about his attack on gays by a reporter from Washington state’s News Tribune. Here’s what he smirked back:

“You fight battles for right and wrong. You never lose when you fight for the right. Sometimes the truth offends people.”

So, allow me fight this battle for “right” – for freedom from religion – and for “wrong” – for being forced to live by Christian standards – without concern for offending Judge Roy Moore’s Christian sensibilities. Because every complaint the judge has about gays, I have about Christians, except of course, I know Christians weren’t born that way – they chose their peculiar religious orientation.

I don’t care what Christians do in private, but I don’t want it in my face. I don’t want kids to have to see religious messages on TV interspersed with ads for Barbie and Cheerios, and I especially don’t want pre-schoolers to have to see images of a man being tortured on a cross in the marketplace. Keep it in your churches.

I don’t want teachers endorsing Christianity in public schools. Or Islam, Or Judaism. I want school’s to be neutral on the existence of a god.

I don’t want Christians recruiting children to their unhealthy lifestyle by terrifying naughty toddlers with threats of hell.  I think there should be a law saying you can’t speak about religion in front of anyone who is under 18 – when impressionable youth are old enough to sort out fact from fiction and are not completely trusting of the person feeding him religious doctrine disguised as truth.

I think Catholics have too many pedophiles among their clergy for it to be a natural occurrence. I think the religious lifestyle attracts sexual predators. I think parents are guilty of neglect when they assume their children are safe with Christian clergy.

I think churches should be taxed. I think it’s unfair that Christians demand special privileges and protections no one else gets. (See Hobby Lobby.) I think no group should ever be legally entitled to victimize another group with a religious bigotry excuse.

pro wausauOh, and I almost forgot. I find the Catholic dress up parades around abortion clinics insulting and incredibly tacky.

Every argument Judge Moore and his Christian warriors make to buttress their resistance to gays, I feel myself, only I feel it about Christians. The difference is, I don’t imagine my contempt for religion should disallow Judge Moore and the Christians of the world the freedom to practice their faith. It is the judge and his Christian soldiers who think their belief should keep gay people (and pregnant women) from the pursuit of happiness.

“Sometimes the truth offends people.” Says Judge Moore. I would remind the judge that religion is not “truth”. However, in the hands of people like Judge Moore, religion can indeed be offensive. 


Feature photo Gonzolo Orquin Facebook
Parade photo and Judge Moore Photo file


tncrmJean Ann Esselink is a straight friend to the gay community. Proud and loud Liberal. Closet writer of political fiction. Black sheep agnostic Democrat from a conservative Catholic family. Living in Northern Oakland County Michigan with Puck the Wonder Beagle.

Follow me on Twitter as @Uncucumbered or friend me on Facebook.


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