‘Twas The Fight Before Christmas

My annual “Twas the Flight Before Christmas political parody. If you missed them, here are Christmas 2011  and  Christmas 2010.
Twas the week before Christmas
And all through The House,
The Speaker went begging,
While the Tea Caucus groused.

They’d agreed to Defense cuts,
And to let taxes rise,
If by the end of the year,
There was no compromise.

Though they’d given their promise,
They would all bite the bullet,
Now that it was crunch time,
They refused to fulfill it.

It had been but a head fake,
A Tea Party scam,
To get past the election,
Then spring their real plan.

When the Teas were in charge,
Under President Mitt,
They’d restore those Defense cuts,
And feed the Dems shit.

But they’d lost the election!
They still were in mourning,
How could this have happen?
There had been no forewarning.

They had done gerrymandering,
They had purged voter rolls,
Made onerous ID laws,
Caused long lines at the polls.

But President Obama,
With his warm friendly grin,
Played by the rules,
And still managed to win!

He convinced single women,
Who don’t know their place,
And gays with his new,
Same-sex marriage embrace.

Though Obama won Asians,
Hispanics and Blacks,
Republicans thought,
He was not coming back.

They believed that sequester
Had been sly like a fox,
But now they were caught
Like a fox in a box.

They could vote for new taxes
And break Grover’s pledge
Or do nothing at all
And go over the edge.

So Boehner beseeched them,
He was hoping this season
Of Christmas, would help them,
To listen to reason.

“I’ve made the very best deal.
I could make for our country.
We must put aside dogma,
And Democrat effrontery.”

And tough doing nothing
Meant taxes would rise,
When they whipped the Tea Caucus,
The nays beat the ayes.

So our congress went home,
For their Christmas vacation,
Without stopping tax hikes
Or forced sequestration.

So as they hang up their stockings
I give congress this warning
You’re sure to find coal there,
Come Christmas morning.

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